IG-88's Adventures of Star Wars Episode II Geonosis Arena Battle Transcript
Obi Wan sees Anakin and Padme being escorted into the execution areas in handcuffs. Obi Wan: I was beginning to wonder if you got my message. Anakin: I retransmitted it just as you requested it master. Then we decided to come and rescue you. Obi Wan: Good Job. The Chains raise up to the top of the tower. Dooku, Jango, Boba, Nute, Rune, Chrysalis, Ace D Copular, Robbie V, Jinx, Gizmo, and Marceline enter the balcony. Poggle (Subtitled): Settle down. Settle down. IG-88: Hey, if they are in handcuffs, how come we aren't? Malcolm Ray (From Demo Reel): You'll see why in a couple of seconds. IG-88: Dear lord. Pinkie Pie: What's gonna happen to us? Reese: I have no idea. (Suddenly, The Real Americans's music hits and out comes Jack Swagger, Antonio Cesaro, And Zeb Colter to a loud pop.) IG-80: Zeb Colter!? Zeb Colter: My Fellow Geonosian Americans, We Are At War. First off, what is wrong with the Republic? Zeb Colter Knows What's Wrong! Jack Swagger Knows What's Wrong! Antonio Cesaro Knows What's Wrong! But I think most Jedi Knights Have Forgotten what is wrong with The Republic. IG-88: Yeah serves you right! Zeb Colter: Excuse Me? Is that a way to treat a Real American? IG-88: Yeah. Cause in reality, you got screwed by Ricardo Rodriguez. (Cesaro grabs 88 and spins him to a loud pop.) IG-88: WHOOOOOOA! *after the spin* I love ponies. Rainbow Dash: What!? Twilight Sparkle: Oh, Give me a break. Zeb Colter: Now before I was so rudely interrupted, Years Ago, me and these 2 Real Americans laid a deal with Count Dooku to destroy these 3 Jedi Knights chained up here in this arena. You know why? Because they weren't real patriots! They're not Real Americans! We Are Real Americans! And Now, I Look around and I see a Republic I don't even recognize. IG-80: Pfft. Tell Me About It. (Cesaro Spins IG-80 as well.) IG-80: NO NOT ME WHOOOOOOA! *after the spin* I Love Barbie Dolls. Todd Snickers, which causes Cesaro to grab him and spin him as well with the camera. Todd: NO NOT ME! WHAT ARE YOU DO-WHOOOOOOA! (Cesaro throws him into a wall, which causes another camera blackout and the TV Color Bar Screen Shows Up.) Zeb Colter: Is the god**** Camera back on?! Todd: Yeah It Is. Zeb Colter: Good. Anyways, I see Jedi with faces not like mine. I see Jedi that I don't even know what they're fighting for they can't even give a damn! And I Look around and I think where did all these Jedi come from. But Most Importantly I think how do we get rid of them. We The Empire! All these Jedi should know the Truth. Zeb Colter knows the truth. Jack Swagger Knows the Truth. Antonio Cesaro Knows The Truth. Because this is the land of the Empire And The Home Of The Sith. Not The Republic And Whoever wants to defeat Dooku's Empire! We Are Real Americans! So Rise Up, put you're hand over your heart, and say these 3 words: WE THE EMPIRE. WE THE EMPIRE. (The Entire stadium chants WE THE EMPIRE.) Zeb Colter: It's Our Rule for The Empire to Protect Our Land. Cause We Are Real Patriots, We Are Real Americans, And We The Empire. Zeb Colter: Now Then, Let's Get this show on the road. There will be 2 Real American Main Events Tonight. First off, This so called droid and his Kim Kardashian Associators. IG-80: THAT'S NOT TRUE! Zeb Colter: will be facing off the TGWTG crew members! IG-88: Oh pfft that's easy what's the worst that can hap. en. (88 sees the TGWTG Crew led by Nostalgia Critic and The AVGN in full weapon mode) IG-88: F**k. Zeb Colter: But first, let us get to our REAL AMERICAN main event, THE EXECUTIONS! Presenting My Real American Monsters! The Monsters then come out Zeb Colter: Introducing first, the Reek master of Wolrd War I: Hector! Next up, he is more than just your ordinary Godzilla. Please welcome: Acklay And last but not least, the snowman monster: Nexu Todd: Those are terrible names. Zeb Colter: SHUT UP! DON'T INTERRUPT A REAL AMERICAN! Todd: Yeah. Give Me A Break. Anakin: I have a bad feeling about this. Zeb Colter: Ladies and Gentlemen, Let Us Begin The Killing! Padme breaks free of her handcuffs. Obi Wan: Just relax. Concentrate. Anakin: What about Padme? Obi Wan: She seems to be on top of things. Anakin looks up and sees Padme now on top of the tower. IG-88: What the f**k is Padme doing!? IG-80: I have no idea. AVGN: HEY BE QUIET SO THAT WE CAN STARE DOWN EACH OTHER UNTIL THE CALL FOR OUR BATTLE IS MADE! IG-88: Hey! I'm Not Don Draper! Stop yelling! AVGN: I'M A NERD! I CAN YELL ALL I WANNA! Rarity: Pfft. Tell me about it. Meanwhile, the Acklay manages to strike the pillar wall while Obi Wan dodges the strikes before. From there, Obi Wan sets free, still with the handcuffs on his hands, and avoids the Acklay strikes. the Reek charges to Anakin, but Anakin immediately jumps away, causing the Reek to crash into the pillar and causing Anakin to land on the Reek itself. The chain holder then lets go. Robbie V: Well this is not what was planned for the executions. Zeb Colter: It indeed wasn't. There must've been some sort of mishap. The Nexu is trying to get Padme. Padme hits the monster with the chain, but the Nexu reaches up and cuts her back. The monster then drops down to the floor, waiting for attack. Nute laughs at this. The Acklay is also still trying to get Obi Wan, who easily dodges it's strikes. Phelous: Come On Acklay Get that Jedi! Anakin is still riding the Reek but lets go, holding on to the chain connected to the monster. Padme jumps down the pillar, and knocks out the Nexu with a kick to the stomach. Linkara: Oh What!? IG-80: Haha! Oh Yes! Nute: She can't do that! Shoot her or Something. Zeb Colter: We're Real Americans Nute. Relax. The Nexu gets back up. The Acklay meanwhile, knocks down a pillar, in which Obi Wan easily avoids. He then chases after Obi Wan while the sabretoothed monster stops at his tracks. Obi Wan uses one of the spears and uses on a geonosian driver, flinging him out of the car. Anakin then tries to calm down the Reek. The Nexu still walks around the pillar, where Padme is trying to let go of the chain. IG-88: How long is this gonna take. Nostalgia Critic: About an hour or two. You'll get used to the good entertainment we have here in Geonosis. Twilight Sparkle: More like Bornatainment. Meg: Yeah. Obi Wan knocks the driver out with the spear he is holding, while Anakin force jumps onto the Sabretoothed monster, he then tries to strangle it with his chain. Obi Wan, meanwhile, is using his spear to try and kill the Acklay Padme lets loose of the chain, The Reek then kills the Nexu with a tackle. Anakin: Jump. Padme jumps onto the Reek kisses Anakin on the cheek, and then they head off to rescue Obi Wan, who throws the spear at the Acklay who breaks it with his teeth after grabbing it. Angry Joe: Hahaha. I told you he can eat metal objects! Obi Wan runs off and hops onto the Reek alongside Anakin and Padme. Nute Gunray: This isn't how it's supposed to be! Jango finish it off! Robbie V: Yeah. We need this done pronto! Count Dooku: Patience Viceroy patience they will die. Corporate Kane: Sending in the destroyer droids right now. Droidekas come in and surround Anakin and company. Mace Windu enters the balcony from behind. IG-88's Cell phone then rings. IG-88: God dammit. (answers) Yeah? Tony Stark!? Tony Stark: Listen, Mace Windu just told me about the whole Geonosis thingy. IG-88: He did? Tony Stark: He told me to send in the Avengers Squad to attack the so called TGWTG crew. Is that correct? IG-88: Yeah but, what if it doesn't work? Tony Stark: Relax 88. I'm bringing the party to you. (Iron Man, in full suit, is leading the Star Fox Cruiser and the Halberd.) Iron Man: Jarvis, take us to the battlefield. Jarvis: Yes Sir. All Unit Battle Forces Prepare for landing. (The crew head over to the battlefield.) (Windu ignites his lightsaber in front of Jango Fett.) Count Dooku: Master Windu. How pleasant of you to join us. Mace Windu: This Party's over. (Several members of the Jedi Council appear in the arena, igniting their lightsabers and preparing for battle.) Nostalgia Critic: OH NO! Angry Joe: The Jedi Council! Spoony: OH NO! Angry Joe: What? Spoony: LOOK UP! (Iron Man lands in front of the 88 squad.) Angry Joe and Spoony: AAAA! IRON MAN! Iron Man: Oh it's more than that. Thor makes his entrance, followed by Captain America, Black Widow, Hawkeye, Hulk, Fox, Falco, Krystal, Slippy Toad, Peppy Hare, Batman, Superman, Mega Man, and finally, Sonic the Hedgehog. Spoony faints. IG-80: Oh Hell yeah. Count Dooku: Brave but uh foolish. You're impossibly outnumbered. Daniel Bryan: Yeah. Care for a free goat shave? Mace Windu: I don't think so. Count Dooku: We'll see. 2 Super Battle Droids then enter and shoot at Windu, who deflects his shots. Jango releases fire, in which Windu avoids by jumping onto the main battlefield, prepared for battle. Battle Droids enter from the background. IG-88: Anybody else care to join the battle now would be the time. Jack Swagger And Antonio Cesaro jump down. Jack: You Know What I Had It. You want a piece of us? Come And Get It! Robbie V: Yeah Same Here. Robbie V, Jinx, Marceline, Corporate Kane, Randy Orton, Batista, And The Trix Jump Down. Robbie V: Check Out My Sword Dipper! You Like It? Haha/ Bloom transforms into her Winx Club Outfit. Bloom: Your time's up Trix. It all comes to an end here. Todd cameraman: Hey you take over! Todd exits the camera and joins the battle. Bloom: Todd, what are you doing!? Todd: I'm joining the battle. That's What I'm Doing. IG-88: OK Then, We're all assembled and prepared so uh....ATTACK! The Two Groups Charge Forward. Geonosians escape the arena as the Squad and the Jedi charge toward their enemies. THE FIGHT IS ON! Two Jedi toss extra lightsabers to Anakin and Obi Won, which they use to free their chains. Meanwhile on the other side, the TGWTG Squad and the IG-88 Squad are fighting it out. IG-88 tries to get nerd, but is blocked in the head. Twilight Sparkle is destroying battle droids with her pony shooter. Fluttershy wrestles 8 Bit Mickey. And as for Todd, well... Todd: YEAH! YEAH YOU TAKE THAT! MMM! OO! YEESS! HAHAHA! (Todd attacks several channel awesome members with his baseball bat while saying the line) A droid with 3PO's body comes out. Battle Droid: My legs aren't moving. I must need maintenacee A Geonosis blasts destroys a Pillar, causing the reek to let go of the main heroes. Padme shoots down a Cargo driver. Anakin destroys a Battle droid and sees Padme hop on the Cargo. Obi Wan is seen killing battle droids. Anakin hops on the Cargo as Padme destroys Battle droids with her gun. Anakin deflects shots of several battle droids with his lightsaber, killing them. Boba Fett watches this. Back to the TGWTG and 88 Brawl. IG-88: Remember Winning is just Charlie Sheen's way of telling us to try harder. Mega Man shoots his laser at Spoony, in which he avoids, panicked. Spoony: NO PLEASE! DON'T! Mega Man: Really? (Ignites his weapons) Cause I got a thousand. Spoony: AAAAAAAAA! (Mega Man chases off a running Spoony) Robbie and Dipper battle it on. Thor uses his hammer and knocks off several TGWTG members. Todd then enters. Todd: All right boys. Time to ignite the Wolverine of Doom. (He throws the Wolverine, which knocks out several TGWTG members, including Ma-Ti.) Oy. As the battle is still going on, we get commentary. Michael Cole: I'm Michael Cole and it is a beautiful day for a fight ain't that right JBL? JBL: Absolutely Cole. As you can see here this whole arena is absolutley on their feet for this type of main event. (shows the Crowd filling in for the Escaped Geonosians) Jerry Lawler: I'm sure glad that the men in the locker room didn't want to get involved in this or we'd be in this brawl if they did. Michael Cole: Absolutely King. Angry Joe lands on the Announce Table, in which JBL punches Angry Joe afterwards. C-3PO as a battle droid then enters. C-3PO: What's all this noise!? A-A Battle! Oh there's been some terrible mistake! I'm programed to care not destruction! Mace Windu deflects a Battle Droid Shot, causing the Battle Droid to die. He and Obi Wan then join forces. The Battle Droid with 3PO's Body gets shot after a Jedi deflects his shots. Coleman Trebor enters the balcony to attack Dooku, but is quickly killed by Jango Fett. Resuming to the TGWTG And 88 Brawl. Spoony: PLEASE MAKE IT STOOOP! Fluttershy: No. Because of WHAT YOU DID TO MY FOREST! (Fluttershy wrestles Spoony.) IG-80 is seen shooting Battle Droids with his laser, while on a car that Sylvester Stallone is driving. Stallone is also seen shooting droids as well. Michael Cole: We have a special guest joining us and that's former WWE Champion The Miz. Miz, what do you notice about this fight? Miz: Well I can certainley tell that Thor and Mega Man are fighting off The Real Americans. (Shows them battling.) Miz: And I seemingly notice Dipper beating the hell out of Handsome Tom. (Dipper is seen beating up the two.) 8 Bit Mickey: And 8 Bit Mickey! Miz: But more importantly, I got to give credit for IG-88, The Nostalgia Critic, and The Nerd. (Shows IG-88 battling The Critic and the Nerd.) Miz: As 88 is slamming Critic to the ground, but the Nerd spears him, and crashes him through the arena wall. It's that awesome. IG-88: Man I hate crashing into walls! What's Next Boxes!? The Nerd kicks 88 into a wall of Boxes. IG-88: I knew it. The Reek meanwhile, charges toward the 2 Jedi, chasing after Windu. Jango then enters the battle as Windu makes a clear shot at the Reek, but drops his lightsaber as he does. He gets it back seconds later with the Force as Jango was about to get it. The Reek then attacks Jango, before Jango kills it himself with a blast. However, after Windu deflects his shots, His head is cut down by Windu, killing him. Cole: OH! AND HE HAD OF FELT THAT ONE! Boba and Dooku are both shocked. More Geonosian blasts are shown. 3PO: DIE JEDI DOGS! *gasp* What did I say!? Blasts come from the structure, mainly where Nute and Rune are standing at. Resume to the 88 TGWTG brawl. Rainbow Dash is currently wiping out several TGWTG members. Rainbow Dash: Man! Why couldn't I just use a weapon. Will Smith: Hey RD! Rainbow Dash: Huh? Will Smith: Take this! RD catches a metal box. Rainbow Dash: What's in there!? Will Smith: Trust me. You'll like it. RD opens the box. Rainbow Dash: Aww yeah! (Battle droids are surrounding a Jedi) RD: Hey Boys! Battle droid: Uh oh. RD then holds a machine laser gun in her hands. Rainbow Dash: I'm about to clear you all ten seconds FLAT! She fires, killing all the battle droids surrounding the Jedi and saving the Jedi. Todd then jumps out from behind Todd, also carrying a Machine Gun. Todd: Double Time Baby! Double Time! Todd And Dash shoot the Battle Droids together. Meanwhile, 3PO accidentally hits Kit Fisto. 3PO: OH DEAR! I'M TERRIBLY SORRY ABOUT ALL THIS! Kit doesn't care and uses the force to send 3PO to the ground. A Super Battle Droid lands on him. 3PO: Excuse me. I'm Trapped I can't get up! A Shot from a Droideka knocks off the Cargo that Padme and Anakin are in. They later head into the cargo ship for protection while battling. Anakin: You call this a diplomatic solution. Padme: No. I call it aggresive negotiations. The Acklay comes up from behind as Obi Wan Battles more droids. Battle Droid: Uh oh. Battle Droid: Roger Roger. Obi Wan looks behind and sees The Acklay. However, Obi Won cuts off his legs and kills it with his lightsaber. Spoony: NOOOO! MY BEAUTIFUL PET! Hulk grabs Spoony and smashes him. Hulk: Puny God. R2-D2 enters. C-3PO: R2 What are you doing here!? R2-D2 then releases a weapon, which takes off 3PO's head. R2-D2 then leaves with the head hooked. C-3PO: MY HEAD! NOW WHERE ARE You taking me!? Oh this is such a drag! TGWTG and 88 Brawl and the Jedi Brawl join forces. As the Jedi and 88 Squad are surrounded by members and battle droids. IG-80: You think I'm crazy!? (Shoots a battle droid) That's Hot Fuzz for you! Linkara tries to punch Rarity, but Rarity blocks his move. Rarity: Nobody. Touches. My dress. Rarity Knocks out Linkara with a low blow. R2-D2, meanwhile, takes 3PO to his body. The battle resumes. C-3PO: R2! Please be careful! You're descending my circuits! Is my head on straight. Dooku and crew then enter on another balcony. He then makes the call, causing all of the battle droids to give up their weapons. IG-80: Does that mean we win? Dooku: NO! Master Windu, You have fought gallantly. Worthy than archives of the Jedi Order. Now It is finished. IG-88: Oh come on Saruman! I haven't gotten to kick the Nerd's- Count Dooku: SHUT UP DROID! AND I AM NOT SARUMAN! IT'S COUNT DOOKU! Angry Joe: Yeah we know that. Dooku: Surrender. And you're lives will be despaired. DCFDTL: He's right you know. Mace Windu: We will not be hostages to be barded Dooku. IG-86: Neither will we stand as your prisoners. Dooku: Then I'm sorry old friend. Robbie V: Boys. (The Droids ignite their weapons again.) Padme: Look! (The gang look up and see Republic Cruisers entering the frey, one of them holding Yoda. They attack all the battle droids.) Spoony: OH NOOOO! Optimus Prime then crashes through the walls, alongside Bumblebee, Ironhide, Sideswipe, Jazz, and Ratchet. Optimus Prime: Autobots Attack! (The autobots attack several Battle droids.) Todd: F**k Yeah. Yoda: Around the survivors, a perimeter create! Iron Man: JARVIS, send me more reinforcements. JARVIS: Yes Sir. All Reinforcements, Arrive at the arena. (King Kong, Titans East, and Sailor Moon and her scouts soon enter the frey as they attack all Battle Droids.) The clones hop out of the cruisers and attack Battle droids as all the Jedi and the Squad are boarding the ship. IG-80: That was AWESOME! Applejack: I know. I got 90% of them dead with my lasso! IG-80: Haha! Nostalgia Critic: RUN! BACK TO DOOKU'S SHIP! (The Channel Awesome crew retreats as Dooku exits. AVGN, Robbie, Marceline, The Gangreen Gang, Jinx, The Trix, And The Real Americans just follow them in confusion without running.) AVGN: What are they crazy?! Robbie: I Don't know, IG-88: Hey Optimus! You comin? Optimus Prime: Indeed. Dooku's headed for that Dome over there. Once we arrive, we will fight off Dooku until his last breath is made. Autobots, Roll Out! (The ships escape. C-3PO awakens with R2-D2) C-3PO: I Had the most peculiar dream! (Boba mourns the loss of his father Jango)